1v8_k_vdkThursday, July 30 MMXX
Olympus has fallen!
I started with a concept for a text a while ago but fridged it.
Now, a fortnight and many contemplations later, I’m still reluctant to continue with this text.
It has since sailed far from the original but nevertheless still holds the same seed.
And therefore the same reluctance.
Because:
Trust is a luxury I can’t afford!
Nevertheless I am obliged by some.
Obliged to nourish their puerile hope.
As the photo of a drawing “I” made that accompanies the text shows, it involves thinking.
The way people think. How they are taught to think and how my mind thinks.
Yes, I am a ‘people’ too. I know. (But sadly enough that’s just about how far it goes).
I know.
And I’m as much conditioned to think in certain ways as the next one. Maybe even more. But thát thinking is severely trauma-related.
Yet, another part(s) of me hád to think outside the box.
Waaayyy outside the box.
To survive.
To survive physical, mental and sexual injustices.
Repeated abuses I couldn’t bear alone.
But ‘normal‘ is not outside ‘their‘ box.
Even their ‘abnormal’ needs to be contained within their ‘normal’.
So yet again “I” was violently forced into hiding.
By the first “caretakers” at start, and every caretaker ever since.
Whether that caretaker was a person, persons or an institute.
(I now know why, being hsp for one and ‘we’ out of necessity on the other hand -with all their own “problems” as well-, but as a child I did not understand why I was so different, nor was I capable to do anything about it, let alone ‘live’ with it – different timeframe as well- and now, considering that my age should make me an adult, I must confess that the knowledge I now possess doesn’t make the struggle easier, rather the opposite)
And painfully enough, that is still the case.
We are a stigma, a joke, fantasy, a lie, a malice, …
AND/OR…
A disease, a disorder, a freak, an ‘abnormality‘…
A dumbass pariah…
Never a phenomenon.
Never a phenomenal and ingenious way of the brain to survive.
Because if théy don’t understand…
With all their so called knowledge …
We!, are not supposed to be!
And we are stíll not supposed to be!
Because “we” is not ‘normal’, for what their normal is.
That created ánd creates such violent inner conflicts (that is what the world has taught us and still teaches) that it sadly enough is almost always resorting into excruciating self-punishment.
In ways, most people can’t even imagine.
But I notice now, that something has changed.
Something very subtle, yet key. Or so I think.
It doesn’t change anything yet, yet it changes everything!
Due to how we were treated and betrayed by one, in whom We!, all of we, trusted completely for the first time in our existence, and due to a tiny organism, that reveals the worlds true face…
…
The gods are no more…
And therefore they have fallen.
And “I”, silently, think outside their box.
D-iC © MMXX
